2 years ago today....

Joshua was placed in my arms for the VERY first time. It seems like it was only yesterday when we nervously flew to Guatemala. This might be long so bare with me as I must go back to that all important day.

Boarding the VERY small plane in Nashville @ 6:35am my stomach was turning flips. Scared of not only the little plane but, the thought of traveling somewhere else..traveling out of my comfort zone. To a place I didn't know anything about to a child that I still questioned what type of love it was I had. Was it that true die for you in a moment kind or the I feel sorry for him love???? As our plane landed in Houston we quickly gathered our baggage together to check in for our next flight..the flight that unbeknownest to me would change me FOREVER. As we landed in Guatemala my eyes were opened to more that I could have imagined. The people begging, those out selling, the openness of the airport, our very limited Spanish could not help us. We waited and waited for our shuttle to pick us up and take us to the Radisson. While waiting a very nice older lady asked if we could buy some gum for her as her children are starving and she needs money. After purchasing it we quickly learned to keep more to ourselves as tons of people starting coming over. About 20 mins had passed and there was our ride. He had already been once and picked up several passengers and then came back for us he apologized what seemed to be a million times. We loaded up and then our journey continued. I remember being scared a few times as we drove the streets in Guatemala city. I had NEVER seen anything like it before. We arrived and waited.

We were due to meet our fostermom, translator and son around 4:30pm. We arrived to the lobby about 30 min. early and helped another nervous mommy put together her excersaucer she had brought for her little girl. Time continued to trickle by and the knots (I can even feel them now) began to grow even larger. By this time our driver who would take us to the El Palacio De Dona Beatriz in Antigua had arrived. He very kindly said that he would wait for us. The young ladies foster mother and translator arrived and I saw at that moment complete and utter joy in her face. They talked for a bit and headed out. By this time it was around 5pm. and the nerves let me say were going crazy. I kept telling Michael what if we don't get our little boy today...the tears began to stream again. Then someone from the front desk called my name and said I had a phone call. I quickly ran to the phone to find it was my translator. She explained that she had a flat tire and was wondering IF we could wait a little bit longer. I quickly said, "YES"!! I mean SERIOUSLY did she think we would just leave...uhhh NO. About 15-20 min. later walked in my foster mother caring the most precious baby in the world. At that time I knew (crying now as I type this) the LOVE I had for this child was not for sorrow but, for TRUE LOVE..the kind of LOVE that you would die for your child in a moments notice. The kind of LOVE that makes your heart skip a beat..that unending LOVE!!!! On that particular day my heart had just given birth to the most beautiful 3 1/2 mth old, 12 lb. baby in the world. My heart was FULL again, I was 100% IN LOVE!!!!!!! We asked our questions, watched the tears flow from our foster moms face, gave our gifts and headed out on what would be the greatest adventure of our lives.

We spent the next several days getting to know our little boy and explored his country. During that time we learned that he indeed was a Mr. Spaghetti legs, that he LOVED to be held (which was a okay with me), his sweet eyes would water when you headed out with him and those same eyes could melt any heart and his body was simply perfect. Bath times with Joshua were amazing...YES, I took baths with my baby!!!! We also learned that 1) tuk tuks (a golf cart looking thing) even though many people used them they were not the means of transportation for us. When we rode in those things Joshua's little head would bobble back and forth...all I could think of was baby shacking head syndrome..2) Guatemalan people LOVED seeing there babies covered up. I can't tell you how many times Joshua had a hat or a blanket thrown over him. So, after the 1st day out we learned to purchase a hat and have a blankie on us at all times..oh did I tell you the weather there is GORGEOUS..3)The food and shopping were fabulous and probably the MOST important thing I learned was...BANOS (bathroom) kind of a handy thing to know.

Even through all of our many great times sadness would consume me on many of those days. My heart knew that soon I would have to give him back...hand him over to a lady that I didn't know...I could literally feel my heart breaking into millions of pieces. He was MY SON how in the world could I do this. I remember like it was yesterday calling my mother and crying not just crying but, bawling my eyes out. Again, he WAS MY BABY...I would NEVER leave my other children so, how could I leave him????

The day had come for us to say our goodbyes 5/9/07. I tried to be as upbeat as possible but, my heart was crushing. I had prayed through the whole trip for PEACE. A PEACE that can only come from my father up above. A PEACE that I thought for sure would not be answered. Our driver packed up our bags and we headed to our final destination. Here at the Radisson we would give our son back, go to bed and then leave bright and early the next morning for our trip home. We were due to meet our foster mother that day @ 4:30pm. While we were upstairs waiting to go down (which I assumed she would be late..hey, they were last time why not today) we dressed Joshua up in his other many outfits that didn't get used on that trip and took tons of pics of him in them. I then dressed him in our favorite outfit. He wore a little white onesie and over that was his one piece green frog outfit with green and white checkers and a little green jacket. As Michael video taped Joshua for what would be our last 30 min. with him the phone rang. He proceeded to answer and she was there. I remember thinking NO..PLEASE GOD NO!!!!!!! How could she be sooo early??? I grabbed Joshua up in my arms and began to cry..my heart was literally tearing into. Michael grabbed the bags of clothes and toys for our foster mom. We headed to the elevator as it began to go down I clutched my baby with all my might. The doors opened and there she was. We walked off the elevator and I was crying. In my mind I had pictured her taking him from my arms and vanishing off. Instead, she politely walked me over to the couch and began to talk. I asked Michael to go and get a translator. Within minutes of us talking God had began to dry my face. The lady who I thought would take my son and run was the lady that comforted me. The lady that wiped my tears, hugged me...she was my PEACE!!!! Each and every time I think about that special time my tears flow. On that day she just wasn't my foster mom she became a vital piece of my life...she became Maria Luisa. After talking for about an hour Maria Luisa presented me with a present. Unbeknownest to myself or Michael Mothers Day in Guatemala was tomorrow. She gave me a purse with a card inside of it. She told me, "You are HIS Mother...HAPPY MOTHERS DAY". We ended with a very special picture, some great hugs and kisses. By the grace of God in that moment I handed over my child to my friend, kissed his head for the very last time, walked with them out to a cab and waved goodbye. Not a tear was even in my eye. Again, God had granted me PEACE through this AMAZING LADY!!! We headed back upstairs to call the kids and my parent and then headed out to dinner. The next morning we left our sons country and headed back to ours.

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Even though 2 years have passed reliving those days still brings me to my knees and yes even though he is home a little piece of my heart still hurts. The days after coming home I cried out in pain to my heavenly father and he answered me each and every time with the face of my new friend Maria Luisa.

As always please join me in praying Geovany, Lauren and all the other children still caught up in the adoption process FOREVER HOME!! They like Joshua deserve to be hugged, kissed and tucked into bed each and every night. Also, please pray that soon Guatemala will reopen there doors so, many more children can find there way HOME!!!!