The eve of my son's birth

As I sit here typing, deleting and then retyping again my thoughts get jumbled. How can I truly convey what I mean? How can I explain how I truly feel?

As I sit here at this computer I think of my birth mother. This is the 2nd eve of her son's birth. Again, my mind as it did last year goes back to how was she feeling?? What was she doing?? Was she in pain at this time?? Did she know that tomorrow she would give birth to her son?? Did she know that at that time she would indeed give him up weeks later?? How is she doing 2 years later?? Does she think about him often?? Does she lay awake at night wondering what he looks like?? Does she wonder about his smile, his laugh, his voice, his all??

My prayer is that she knows without a doubt how much this little boy is loved that if she is weary that she may find complete rest from this day on. I stare at him in awe many times a day. I thank God daily not only for him but, for the amazing love of his birth mother. A lady who was just a child herself made the biggest decision of her life. She chose LIFE, she chose FOREVER, she chose FAMILY for her son and for this we are eternally grateful.

As I finish this up I think about the immigration papers we received today. Why on this day did that package arrive?? Why on this day did I see more pictures of Joshua in his birth mothers arms?? Why on this day did I find out how much Joshua weighed when he was born?? Maybe it's because God doesn't want us to forget how special today truly is. This was our birth mothers last night to cradle her child in her womb. This was there last night for that pure intimacy.